New England’s Shooting Star

A brilliant entry to our Hartford billboard slogan contest submitted via email by “Ecstacy LSD”

Hartford Billboard Slogan Contest

We’ll keep this going until we get sick of it, Hartford puts up a billboard slogan that we actually like, or until we run out of original spray paintings by Scary Bunny #77 to give away.

Entries so far below. Keep them coming, and remember–you don’t have to be a hater to play. Positive slogans are welcome and encouraged too.

Hartford – Come Get Your Authentic Bullet Souvenir

Hartford - We Got Glitter Streets
(Disclaimer: Glitter is actually broken glass)

Hartford – The City That Never Sleeps Because of its Sleep Apnea

We’re Hartford – Our Mom Says We Have Lots of Potential

Hartford – The Apathy of it All

Hartford - Because NY and Boston are expensive.

Hartford - All complaints, no action.

Hartford - We swore it was fun until we saw New Haven.

Hartford - Free parking in Wethersfield!

Hartford - Open from 9-5 weekdays.

Hartford - The gangs are only in the North End. And near The Webster.

Get Out. More.

We actually received a shout-out about two weeks ago in the Hartford Advocate for Scary Bunny #403’s rant on the I-84 billboard slogan– Come to Hartford, I Swear It’s Fun. The Advocate never posted the story online, so we forgot all about patting ourselves on the back here. It happened, really–it did.

And today, the Hartford Courant gives us an update on the controversies surrounding the billboard from Michael Kintner, the Executive Director of the Hartford Image Project, who originally put up the slogan to help fight the city’s negative image problem.

“Mr. Kintner says the sign will come down in a week or two - to be replaced by one touting celebrity entertainers coming to Hartford and saying, “Get Out More.”

So… the new strategy to help change the bad attitudes about Hartford is to advise people to leave town. Well, actually–that works.

While it’s not entirely bad advice, it’s obvious they’re really implying “get-out-on-the-town-more.” But after the fuss about the first slogan–wouldn’t you think they’d be more careful in choosing a new one?

Whatever, it’s all pretty funny how the wheels do spin around (and around and around) in this town.

Send your slogan ideas and we’ll do a few mock billboards with the best ideas (or send us your mocked-up billboards, that works too.)

Winners receive original spray paintings by Scary Bunny #77, who gets artistic at the end of the night after he gets his freak on.

Come to Hartford, I Swear It’s Fun

From a billboard on I-84 in Hartford:

“Come to Hartford, I swear it’s fun.”

This is our sales pitch?

Scary Bunny #403 has an innovative concept: let’s start selling Hartford on its true strengths. Let’s exploit the reputation we’ve spent decades perfecting. Forget the Rising Star. 403’s got a new slogan: THUGG CITY, MOTHERFUCKERS–Providence is for Pussies.

That’s right. Why swear it’s fun, when all we want is to just fucking swear? We can make people think Hartford is the most horrifying city on the face of the earth, a place that makes the shantytowns of Rio de Janeiro look like Upper Montclair. Then, no one will fault us for where we fall short.

Imagine our newfound confidence. Singles scene? Who needs it? Our parks are brimming with toothless whores that cost less than a couple of martinis. A walkable downtown? Why walk? In Thugg City, we speed through town in black Expeditions and tricked out Hondas, slowing only to fire at assorted motherfuckers and throw bags of trash from the window. Bistros? Bah. When we’re hungry, we snatch up rats from our kitchen floors and spread their livers on lightly toasted Wonderbread.

Just think of the respect you’ll get the next time you’re at one of those fancy New York parties.

“So, then,” says the well-heeled hostess. “Where are you from? Boston? D.C.?”

“No, motherfucker,” you reply, spitting bile onto the polished parquet floor. “I’m from Thugg City. Bitch.”

“Sweet Jesus,” she whimpers, her lower lip aquiver. “Please don’t cut me.”

Now that’s worth a fucking billboard.