Just when I thought I was out, they’re pulling me back in…
Introducing Spain’s entry into the upcoming 2008 Eurovision contest this May in Belgrade–Rodolfo Chikilicuatre with the song ‘Baila el chiki chiki’:
Originally conceived as a Eurovision parody, I think his four step dance moves including “El Breikindance” and “El Robocop” are going to go far. Since I’m already 1-1 on Eurovision predictions with Lordi, I’m not going to select my favorites until I have a chance to study all the contestants.
In an awesome blaze of fire and high-pitched screaming, Lordi stomped all over the Eurovision finals, clutching his competitors in his bloody claws and biting their heads off before being proclaimed the winner of the whole thing.
“How weird is this? How cool is this?” said lead singer Mr Lordi, at a press conference minutes after his hard rock band Lordi had won the 51st Eurovision Song Contest. “Think about it, a rock band just won a pop song contest. This is weird, strange, interesting. This is for all rock fans, hard rock fans, metal fans and Kiss fans. And we didn’t just win–we won it for Finland.”He then sang the chorus of Lithuania entry, We Are The Winners.”
We found additional excitment courtesy of Dlisted who brought the exit of Silvia Night–self-anointed “International Superstar” and Iceland’s entrant–to our attention.
After being voted out before the semi-finals, Ms. Night burst into tears of outrage, smearing her mascara and becoming an instant gay icon while shouting at reporters, “You don’t vote me because I’m not a slut from Holland and not a fucking old ugly bitch from Sweden.”
There’s about 4 1/2 minutes of her love on Youtube here.
The Eurovision semi-finals are over, and our boys Lordi from Finland made it into the top ten to fight it out at the finals tomorrow.
Lordi shares the winner circle with Russia, FYR Macedonia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Lithuania (who really do sing “We are the Winners,” although they’re not as cute as these guys), Ukraine, Ireland, Sweden, Turkey, and Armenia.
“Lordi was the first of the winners to speak, and said he was “so satisfied that a good looking group like us can make the final. Thanks to all the rock and heavy metal music fans around Europe. We’ve got to the finals, making Finnish Eurovision history!”Mr Lordi was asked if he had more surprises planned for the final to help the group win. He replied “More volume! Scream louder! Turn up the amps to eleven!”
Okay, we may now be officially bored with Eurovision. And trying to kill time before we can leave work.
● Some dude at Slate makes his picks, which include Spain’s version of the Spice Girls, Las Ketchup…
“Spain has fielded the best-known act in the 2006 lineup: Las Ketchup, who scored a massive international hit in 2002 with “Asereje (The Ketchup Song).” Cautiously sticking to a tomato-based theme, their song is titled “Un Bloody Mary Por Favor.”
…and the U.K.’s entry Daz Sampson, who the young ladies and the gays just love. From his blog:
“Daz calling from anthenshello gang
short note to say all is going well eurovision land are really taking to to live act now..
we are beeing talked about 90% is positive.
keep up the support back home.
oh and for the record the recording of boom bang a bang..is noting like what the sound is now…so trust me sit back and let me “the peoples champion” with my girls…make your saturday a proud and memorable one
daz”
Speaking English is apparently not a requirement to represent the country. Do yourself a favor and do not listen to his entry, “Teenage Life.”
● Controversy surrounds a Lordi website. You can read what the fuss is about here, if you even care. It’s all kind of boring, but the blogger also thinks that Lordi is going to take it, and gives a nice summary of all their recent press.
Eurovision 2006! And no one’s more excited than these dudes:
Eurovision 2006 is off and running in Athens, Greece, with upcoming semi- and final rounds on May 18, and Saturday, May 20. The official website is kind of a pain in the ass to get around, so for updated news check out Esctoday.com.
We’re about 80% confirmed to cheer on Lordi, the monster metal band from Finland right now:
“You know, we are meat eaters in a vegetarian café,” said Mr. Lordi when asked how the band feels to be in Eurovision.
But we’re keeping an open mind since they’re all so tragically fabulous.
American Idol a bit dull this season? March Madness not insane enough for you? We suggest starting an office pool now to bet on the outcome of the Eurovision Song Contest, which is somehow entering its 51st year in May in Athens, Greece.
Despite rumors of a tranny in there somewhere (if you can find her, let us know), the contest seems to have its fair share of boring hazy-lensed, pasteled Kelly Clarkson-ish competitors. Which is why we’ve narrowed our choices down to the following three stellar entries:
Ich Troje, Poland:
“Yesh, it ish quite poshible I am very much happy to be making songs for you in Athens. So let’s kick off our hair and let down our shoesh, cause I am about to rock dish fuckin place….ha ha ha ha, ok…. alright….ok….. alright…Wif my red hair and my much sexy tattoos I plan to dance up this party over-the-top. Put your hands together cause it is time to make some laughing and singing and totally lose our fuckin heads man….Lets party like spacemen and fucking dance across the moon…are we fuckin now, or what?”
Texas Lightning, Germany:
Not so surprisingly, the country western group leans more towards being “jolly ranchers” than ass-kicking rednecks (organized violence is so 1937). The funny thing is that they’re probably totally straight and all this is just A-Number Ein super-fantastiche musik:
In their hands, classics like ‘Highway to Hell’, ‘Like a Virgin’, ‘Kiss’ and ‘Dancing Queen’ are surrounded by the scent of saloons and gunsmoke. And songs by country legends like Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline, Bill Monroe or Tex Williams are experiencing a special high noon. [link]
Lordi, Finland:
GWAR aficionados, Battlefield Earth super fans, or the Orc version of Guns ‘n Roses?
“Travolta can eat our hearts, cause we will eat his. This time to Battlefield you bring hunger and destruction and we take it over the top…Rock gods unite in Athens and make putrid stench of kill into dirt.”
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