Just don’t fuck with Mercury

So, now there’s this info via AHN:

French researchers studying the solar system’s future using computer simulation saw a potential disruption of Mercury’s orbit that may lead to a collision between Earth and Venus billions of years from now.

The result of the study by Jacques Laskar and Mickael Gastineau of the Paris Observatory is published in the Thursday issue of the journal Nature.

The computer simulation involving 2,501 scenarios of planetary orbits led to a large disruption of Mercury’s orbit which in turn disrupted the orbits of the three other terrestrial planets, Venus, Earth and Mars.

At that point, the Earth probably won’t be habitable anyway which is sad too!

Maybe humanity will move underground. Would that even work? No. Maybe we’ll be in space. Yes, we’ll definitely have be in space! And very far away from Earth or else we’re going to get dropped like third period space French.

At least we know how it will all (maybe) end. Let’s hope for some fantastically schlocky sci-fi movies and video games based on this theory before it’s proven wrong.

Note: Above picture is a random image courtesy of this fine site and is meant as a dramatization by the author to depict the dire situation speculated above. I don’t actually think it would really play out like that.

Purple tomatoes will be delicious on many sensory levels

I just know it. 

If I had any money, I’d invest in a purple tomato farm.

Planetary Emergencies

Al Gore warns world of “planetary emergency” due to build-up of Post-Impressionist brushstrokes in the atmosphere:

“One can only attempt to create one’s own reality for so long. Reality proper has a way of insisting itself upon you.”

Okay, no. He didn’t.

But he did warn people about the planetary emergency of global warming over the weekend at Cannes at the premiere of An Inconvenient Truth, a documentary based on his lectures on the subject. Full story here.

[Our apologies... we felt like screwing around with Photoshop, and since Al Gore invented Scary Bunnies--we owed him one.]

More Proof that God Hates You

This kind of stuff never seems to get filed under “News of the Weird.”

Robertson: God Says Tsunami Possible For U.S.

“The Rev. Pat Robertson says God has told him that storms and possibly a tsunami will hit America’s coastline this year.The founder of the Christian Broadcasting Network has told viewers of “The 700 Club” that the revelations came to him during his annual personal prayer retreat in January.

“If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms,” Robertson said May 8.

He added specifics in Wednesday’s show.

“There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest,” he said.” …

Send him some money soon so he can start cutting a deal for us with the Big Fellah.

Tissue Talk

Does Hartford actually top any lists of positive achievements?

Even though we’ve been pac-manning Claritin-D to stop twitching and sneezing lately, this report from the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America still kind of surprises us:

Hartford, Conn., is the No. 1 city for allergy sufferers this year.

Although Gawker’s reportage of it certainly doesn’t:

The good news — in so many ways — is that you don’t live in Hartford, apparently the worst allergy city in the country.

On a related note, CVS is now requiring I.D. with signature to buy over-the-counter Claritin, and is limiting the amount that can be purchased at one time in order to thwart start-up meth labs from getting their hands on too much pseudoephedrine at once. Which is a royal pain in the ass.